Blessed Beyond Measure

Wow...it's been a while since I've posted to my blog again! I guess it's because I've been busy enjoying life these days. Those of you who knew me a few years back (and those who have read my older blog posts) know some of the trials I've been through. I deemed 2009 the worst year of my life - although it had some great moments. I met a whole lot of awesome people that year...I call them my Twamily :)

I was in a bad place and went through some things I hope I'll never have to go through again. I have no regrets, though. Some things were brought on by my own choices...other things I had influence over. All things, however - the good and the bad - helped get me to the place I am at today. One of my favorite scriptures (Romans 8:28) reminds us that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He definitely did that for me. He showed me forgiveness for things I had done that brought me pain and regret. He took away the shame and fear that I carried around for years and helped me to trust again. He allowed me to lose some material things so I could see what was really important in life. Then He blessed me...beyond measure.

Looking back I can see why I had to go through some of those trials. And I know now that it was all worth it. Sometimes we have to let go of good things to make room for great things. My life is not perfect by any means - and it never will be as long as I am on this earth. But in all of these imperfections and the things that God is working on in my life, I must say this is one of my best years. I can hardly keep track of the blessings in my life these days. And if you are reading this blog you are most likely one of those blessings. The people who are closest to me - my family and friends - are the biggest blessings I could ever hope for. The people that God has brought into my life are truly amazing and I thank Him for each one of you...every day.

So for all of you who are going through trials I will leave you with this piece of hope. A message from the God who loves you... "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

In the Good Times

It's good to be back to blogging! I've had a busy couple of months and, of course, neglected to blog in the midst of it. I'm pretty much settled in the new place now and life is good. The thing is ... I realized with all that was going good in my life I was not only neglecting my blog, but I was also neglecting to spend time with Jesus. Sure ... I said a quick "Thank you, Lord!" and "Help me, Jesus!" once in a while, but I started to feel distant from Him. I know He would never leave me, so it was obvious that I was the one falling away. Getting wrapped up in the things of this world.

The good news is that He is a forgiving God. He welcomed me back with open arms. I'm glad I didn't stay away too long because, now that I'm back, I realize how much I missed being close to Him.

Two years ago I was going through some real Hell in my life. During that time I was so close to Him ... every second. I was too terrified to fall away. I knew how much I needed Him. For everything. He held me, comforted me, pulled me through. He brought many people into my life to help keep me focused on Him. As much as I don't miss the Hell I was going trough back then, I do miss the closeness I felt to Him "in the bad times."

So my prayer in this season of my life is that He keeps me close "in the good times." The times when I might be deceived into feeling that I can make it on my own. In those times I want to remember that I can't make it on my own ... and I don't want to. Life apart from Him - no matter how good it looks in the world's eyes - can never truly be good.

Words Can Bring Me Down

Last night while I watched "The Voice" on TV, one thing really caught my attention. It was when Christina and Beverly sang their duet of Christina's song "Beautiful." It was not my first time hearing that song, but last night as I listened I pondered these lyrics ... "Words can't bring me down." They reminded me of the childhood saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."

I understand the reasons we feel we need to say things like this. We need to be strong. We need to put up a guard against being hurt. But the truth is that words can bring us down ... and the hurt goes so much deeper than broken bones. Proverbs 18:21a says this: "The tongue can bring death or life."

I think back to some of the words that have hurt me and how holding on to that has harmed me physically, and hindered my journey to better health. And when I continue to dwell on them, the pain only gets worse. Kids used to call me names at school. Family and friends have said hurtful things at times, as I am certain I have done as well.

The good news is that God can heal the hurt if we let Him. So today I ask God to search my heart once again and show me if I am holding on to any hurtful words that have been spoken over me. And if I am holding on, that He will help me forgive whoever may have spoken those words. I also ask that He forgive me for any hurtful words I have spoken over anyone else. Much like words, unforgiveness can bring us down as well.

So search your heart ... forgive ... and let God heal you. Most importantly, don't let your words bring anyone down. Let your tongue speak words of life! And like another childhood saying says; "If you can't say anything good, don't say nothin' at all!" :)

Search My Heart

I pray that everyone who reads this will know it was written in love. It is not directed towards anyone in particular and was not written to cause more division. My spirit would not stop stirring this morning, so I knew this was something I needed to share. The purpose of this post is not to point out Scripture to support an argument. My only concern is that God is glorified in my life.


As sinners we all fall short of what God designed us to be - that is why He sent His Son, Jesus. Regardless of whether we agree with or even understand each other on this earth, I believe we need to show each other His love. It is our heart that God sees, not our ability to point out the specks in each others eyes.


Today I ask you to examine your heart - as I do the same. What is your heart full of? Love? Hate? Fear? Judgment? Kindness? Forgiveness? Perhaps a combination of those? Whatever it is, God knows. Our hearts are not hidden from Him. Not one of us is righteous, but it is by His grace that we are saved.


Our enemy loves to watch us accuse each other – especially when we do it the name of Christianity. We are all guilty and in need of God’s grace. We are not in a battle against flesh here – this is a spiritual war. I am not a preacher, teacher or Bible scholar, but I know the Love of God. Neither am I a poster child for soft-serve Christianity, but I will not use God’s word against my brothers and sisters with judgement or hate in my heart.


May God alone be glorified in our words, in our thoughts, and in our lives.

The Mountains and Valleys of 2009

As I reflect back to write about the roller coaster ride known as “The Year of Our Lord 2009” I hardly know where to begin. So I will start with January.

Like most people, I began the year with dreams and aspirations…New Year’s Resolutions and goals…but most of all it began with the promises of hope and a future given to us by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The promises found in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

The months of January through April went pretty well for me. I stuck with my goal of working out every morning and began to see myself transforming physically. This was an awesome accomplishment for me as I had struggled with this for most of my life. Although I was only half way to my goal, I felt amazing. This was my first “mountain” moment of the year.

April brought the news of a significant pay cut at work. I was already pretty strapped in my budget, so this news was a bit challenging for me. The drop from “mountain” to “valley” went pretty quickly. I was depressed, which lead to feelings of hopelessness. I spent so much time worrying and stressing about how I would pay the bills, I was drained of all my energy, thus stopped working out…which lead to feelings of defeat and failure.

That went on for several months. Everything began to snowball. For the previous five years I had been renting a nice little house. This was the first time I had lived in a house as an adult. Prior to this, my children and I had always lived in an apartment or duplex. I wanted so desperately to stay in this house. I had hopes of buying it one day, but apparently God had other plans. As my financial situation continued to get worse, I came to terms with the fact that I was going to have to let the house go. At that point I was so far behind I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew I had to move. This was one of my “valleys.”

Somewhere in midst of this valley I had another mountain moment. In June, God did something amazing in me. He helped me to let go of my past. All of the hurt, the fear, the unforgiveness I held on to for so many years - everything that was tearing me apart inside. There were things I didn’t even know I was still clinging to until He started pulling them out of me like big nasty weeds. I remember thinking of it as “spiritual vomiting.” All of this junk was being purged out of me. This went on for about a week…then came the healing.

His love began to pour out of me and I could not have stopped it if I tried. It was unimaginable joy that did not come from my circumstances, but from Him who loves me. My life was still in shambles, but none of that mattered during this time. All that mattered was Jesus and the love He was pouring out on me...and I was finally able to pour some of that love out on others.

During the last six months of the year I met some truly amazing people. Not face-to-face, but online. Prior to this I would have thought someone was crazy if they told me they had people they considered true friends that they met on Twitter, but had never met in person. But the love that was shown to me by these friends (a.k.a. “Twamily”) really blew my mind. I know that many of you who are reading this could say the same. Each one of you is a precious jewel to me. Some were placed in my life to encourage me…some to teach me…some to support me…and some to make me smile when all I wanted to do was cry.

September and October were up and down. A true roller coaster ride of events and emotions - mountains and valleys. I spent most of September packing and trying to figure out where I would live. In mid-October I moved out of our home and into a small apartment. I was devastated, yet grateful. I was in the midst of chaos, yet I had peace I could not explain. I was reminded of Romans 8:28, which has held true for me time after time - especially this year. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

November seemed to be a little more stable as I was getting used to my apartment while working on a plan to catch up from the past few months. Once again, my plan was not God’s plan when December rolled around. I had purchased a truck in the summer of 2008 and was behind a few months on the payments. I hoped so desperately to hang on to it as I did the house, but it was taken away a few weeks ago. As always, God made a way for me to get to work and back, but it was not what I had hoped for. Once again feelings of worthlessness kicked in. How much more of a failure could I be? First I lost my house, then my truck. I began to doubt myself again, but God showed Himself faithful through these amazing friends He placed in my life. Through them He sent encouraging words to lift me up and to squash the lies I began to believe once again.

Many times throughout the year I felt like such a failure, but God thought different of me. He loved me so much that He put just the right person strategically in place at every single moment I needed them. Some of these amazing friends were, and still are, there for me every single day. People I love more than they could imagine, although we have still never met face-to-face. People I would do anything for. These are friends who have been, and still are, wonderful examples of Christ in my life. They never once looked at me in judgment…wondering what horrible things I must have done for God to take all of this away from me. They just loved me…like Jesus would do.

Little things like text messages, emails, tweets or chat messages in the Twivotion room would come just when I needed them. If only to say “#Howdy!” or “Good morning” or “How are you?” or “#LoveFest!” Those words (and hashtags) meant the world to me. Those moments got me through the toughest year of my life. For all of my friends and family - the ones I have met face-to-face, and the ones have not (yet) - I will be eternally grateful. Psalm 126:5 says this, “Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.” I pray your harvest is full of joy, my friends! Because of each of you, and the love of God that is in you, I would not trade one single moment of 2009 for anything in the world. And as I look back to count my blessings over the past year, I want you all to know that each of you are a mark on my blessings tablet.

So, glory be to God…the Giver of all Good things. Regardless of my circumstances, I still believe the promises found in Jeremiah 29:11. So may “The Year of Our Lord 2010” be filled with much hope, and a future beyond anything we could ask or think!

I leave you with this one final thought. No matter what the New Year brings, just remember that Jesus is still on the throne.

God bless you my sweet friends!

The Ultimate “Christ-likeness” of a Soldier and his Mother

I received a phone call at work the morning of July 16, 2009 informing me that my close friend Charlene’s son, Specialist Carlos Eduardo Wilcox, IV was shot and killed that morning while serving in Basra, Iraq. Carlos was just 27 years old. Words could not describe the deep sorrow I felt for Charlene and her family. As a mother, I cannot think of anything more devastating than the loss of a child. I could not have cried enough tears to comfort her in this time of grieving.


Charlene lost her husband in a car accident years ago and was left a widow with four small children. During her time of grieving her husband’s death, Carlos and his brother, Charles started attending our church with some neighborhood friends. Eventually Charlene and her daughters, Ona and Bianca, joined them. Carlos was a special child of God and so many lives were touched by him. His love for people was much like the love of Christ. His mother would reflect on this after his funeral.


Two other soldiers from our part of town were killed along side of Carlos. Charlene was flown to Delaware where they brought her son’s body. The parents of the other soldiers were there as well. They were devastated as expected; however Charlene was comforting them and praying for the peace of God to fall on them. Our Pastor, who flew to Delaware with Charlene, mentioned during service the following Sunday that he never truly understood what “Peace that passes all understanding” truly meant until that very moment.


When Charlene returned from Delaware, I went to visit her. She was broken, but God’s hand was definitely on her. She insisted that no one wear black to the funeral because it was going to be a celebration of her son going home to Jesus. I visited her every day that week and she continued to praise God thought it all. He is our strength and she knows that all too well.


The “Celebration Service” was the following Friday - July 24, 2009. It was the most beautiful funeral I have ever attended. Over 700 people tried desperately to jam themselves into our tiny church building. Many were left standing in the parking lot, but they did not leave until the service was over. In the parking lot, prior to the service, as the procession was coming in, you could hear a pin drop. Seven hundred people - each one completely silent - except for their falling tears.


The Sunday following the service, Charlene praised the Lord just like she did every Sunday morning prior. Her voice was always heard saying “Thank you, Jesus” and “Amen, Pastor!” It was just a part of our Sunday service every week…and even still. After praise and worship, Charlene got up and spoke to the congregation. In the midst of her deep sorrow, she still considered others above herself…thanking everyone for their prayers and support.


As Charlene was reflecting on the past week she told one of the pastor’s wives this; “They think they took my son’s life, but they didn’t. He laid down his life for this cause.” Wow…how much more Christ-like could someone be? Carlos had learned well from his mother.


Our congregation consists of about 150 members. Each and every one of us would agree that Charlene is the most amazing, Christ-like member of all. We all strive to be more and more like Christ, but His love radiates from her every minute of every day. Our hearts were broken for her, yet she was the one who would praise God through it all.

Just getting started ... will post as God leads. Be blessed my friends!