As I reflect back to write about the roller coaster ride known as “The Year of Our Lord 2009” I hardly know where to begin. So I will start with January.
Like most people, I began the year with dreams and aspirations…New Year’s Resolutions and goals…but most of all it began with the promises of hope and a future given to us by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The promises found in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
The months of January through April went pretty well for me. I stuck with my goal of working out every morning and began to see myself transforming physically. This was an awesome accomplishment for me as I had struggled with this for most of my life. Although I was only half way to my goal, I felt amazing. This was my first “mountain” moment of the year.
April brought the news of a significant pay cut at work. I was already pretty strapped in my budget, so this news was a bit challenging for me. The drop from “mountain” to “valley” went pretty quickly. I was depressed, which lead to feelings of hopelessness. I spent so much time worrying and stressing about how I would pay the bills, I was drained of all my energy, thus stopped working out…which lead to feelings of defeat and failure.
That went on for several months. Everything began to snowball. For the previous five years I had been renting a nice little house. This was the first time I had lived in a house as an adult. Prior to this, my children and I had always lived in an apartment or duplex. I wanted so desperately to stay in this house. I had hopes of buying it one day, but apparently God had other plans. As my financial situation continued to get worse, I came to terms with the fact that I was going to have to let the house go. At that point I was so far behind I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew I had to move. This was one of my “valleys.”
Somewhere in midst of this valley I had another mountain moment. In June, God did something amazing in me. He helped me to let go of my past. All of the hurt, the fear, the unforgiveness I held on to for so many years - everything that was tearing me apart inside. There were things I didn’t even know I was still clinging to until He started pulling them out of me like big nasty weeds. I remember thinking of it as “spiritual vomiting.” All of this junk was being purged out of me. This went on for about a week…then came the healing.
His love began to pour out of me and I could not have stopped it if I tried. It was unimaginable joy that did not come from my circumstances, but from Him who loves me. My life was still in shambles, but none of that mattered during this time. All that mattered was Jesus and the love He was pouring out on me...and I was finally able to pour some of that love out on others.
During the last six months of the year I met some truly amazing people. Not face-to-face, but online. Prior to this I would have thought someone was crazy if they told me they had people they considered true friends that they met on Twitter, but had never met in person. But the love that was shown to me by these friends (a.k.a. “Twamily”) really blew my mind. I know that many of you who are reading this could say the same. Each one of you is a precious jewel to me. Some were placed in my life to encourage me…some to teach me…some to support me…and some to make me smile when all I wanted to do was cry.
September and October were up and down. A true roller coaster ride of events and emotions - mountains and valleys. I spent most of September packing and trying to figure out where I would live. In mid-October I moved out of our home and into a small apartment. I was devastated, yet grateful. I was in the midst of chaos, yet I had peace I could not explain. I was reminded of Romans 8:28, which has held true for me time after time - especially this year. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
November seemed to be a little more stable as I was getting used to my apartment while working on a plan to catch up from the past few months. Once again, my plan was not God’s plan when December rolled around. I had purchased a truck in the summer of 2008 and was behind a few months on the payments. I hoped so desperately to hang on to it as I did the house, but it was taken away a few weeks ago. As always, God made a way for me to get to work and back, but it was not what I had hoped for. Once again feelings of worthlessness kicked in. How much more of a failure could I be? First I lost my house, then my truck. I began to doubt myself again, but God showed Himself faithful through these amazing friends He placed in my life. Through them He sent encouraging words to lift me up and to squash the lies I began to believe once again.
Many times throughout the year I felt like such a failure, but God thought different of me. He loved me so much that He put just the right person strategically in place at every single moment I needed them. Some of these amazing friends were, and still are, there for me every single day. People I love more than they could imagine, although we have still never met face-to-face. People I would do anything for. These are friends who have been, and still are, wonderful examples of Christ in my life. They never once looked at me in judgment…wondering what horrible things I must have done for God to take all of this away from me. They just loved me…like Jesus would do.
Little things like text messages, emails, tweets or chat messages in the Twivotion room would come just when I needed them. If only to say “#Howdy!” or “Good morning” or “How are you?” or “#LoveFest!” Those words (and hashtags) meant the world to me. Those moments got me through the toughest year of my life. For all of my friends and family - the ones I have met face-to-face, and the ones have not (yet) - I will be eternally grateful. Psalm 126:5 says this, “Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.” I pray your harvest is full of joy, my friends! Because of each of you, and the love of God that is in you, I would not trade one single moment of 2009 for anything in the world. And as I look back to count my blessings over the past year, I want you all to know that each of you are a mark on my blessings tablet.
So, glory be to God…the Giver of all Good things. Regardless of my circumstances, I still believe the promises found in Jeremiah 29:11. So may “The Year of Our Lord 2010” be filled with much hope, and a future beyond anything we could ask or think!
I leave you with this one final thought. No matter what the New Year brings, just remember that Jesus is still on the throne.
God bless you my sweet friends!
